So You've Been Dumped!

SO YOU’VE BEEN DUMPED! STEP 3: DRINK HEAVILY

Drown your sorrows. Nevermind what your sponsor or doctor or that stupid bartender who says you’ve had enough say. It’s your liver and your misery, and no one can tell youtr sehtw j do. You have money, take it youwhe sdg s! Am I right? Am right? Who put this chair here?

Try to bring a friend who can get you home, and wear shoes you don’t particularly like because you will lose one of them to either vomit or a magical disappearance spell (especially if you got dumped by a magician or a wizard).

Be sure to go somewhere cheap for your booze – you are going for quantity over quality here, and since you will now be spending more money on therapy and antidepressants you want to be able to save wherever you can. Times are tough. Be sure to drink enough water because you will undoubtedly be revisiting Step 1 during a lot of Step 3, and we don’t want you getting dehydrated. Celebrities get “dehydrated” all the time, and we all know that usually turns out spectacularly badly for them (although it’s amusing for the rest of us).